Month: February 2020

With March starting on Sunday, we’re getting closer and closer to my favorite time of year — spring, the official season for Winks of Goodness. Even though it’s a bit chilly here today, the sun is practicing for warmer months, so go enjoy it after reading this week’s Weekly Winks. 

            Every Friday I share the Winks of Goodness I experienced throughout the week because I’ve found that writing down and formally acknowledging these suckers gives them more power. I encourage you to share your own Weekly Winks on my site or on social media. Look around and write them down — share the goodness.   

Saturday — During my run this morning, a golden retriever rode by with his head sticking out of the window. I don’t think either of us could have enjoyed that moment more. 

Sunday— The last hymn for our church service was Hank Williams’ I’ll Fly Away, perhaps one of the coolest hymns ever. 

Monday — The Tots went to an hour-long class at the Y, which gave mommy 60 full minutes to read Bryan Stevenson’s Just Mercy, a lesson for humanity.

Tuesday— I wrote about this earlier this week on my blog, but it was such a beautiful moment I had to include it here, too. Near the end of my run in Davidson, a vibrant bluebird flew in front of me. It was a beautiful Wink of Goodness. Click on my link titled The Little Bird for the story about the significance of bluebirds. 

Wednesday— The flashback photo on my Facebook page was a picture of The Tots standing beside a snowman they built for our cousin Marti (Aunt Marti to them). They were super cute five-year olds in this picture, and Marti adored them. Sadly, she passed away from cancer less than a month after this picture was taken. I miss her every day.

Thursday — I had lunch with one of my mentors. We hadn’t seen each other in years, but it didn’t matter one bit because we speak the same language. I’m beyond grateful to have her in my life. Treasure the people who guide you. 

Friday— On the way to school, The Tots and I heard Todd Rundgren’s Friday anthem Bang on the Drum, except this version contained dialogue from one of my favorite movies of all time, Office Space. With every line I just chuckled. 

Happy weekend! Go outside as much as you can this weekend!

You know those days when you’re running late (almost always for me), and you remember that you left something at home before you get out of your neighborhood. Suddenly you have to backtrack and start all over again. 

            This is how my life has played out for about the last eight months. Once I get on track for a goal, something pulls me three steps (or more) behind. Whether it’s grief, sickness, impatience, too many funerals or just winter, I feel like I can’t gain any momentum, and my hope meter is plummeting south. The universe must have picked up on that because it’s been sending me some pretty clear messages. 

            As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a huge believer that if we pay attention to our surroundings, they will give us clues as to which paths we should take. All you have to do is watch and listen — closely. You can call it whatever you want, but this works for me so I’m sticking with it. That said, for the past week, the universe has been hitting me over the head with a perseverance theme. Don’t believe me? Check out the evidence.

            Last Friday night we watched our high school’s women’s basketball team play in the conference championship. These girls can play ball, but they didn’t have a great first half. The chances for a victory didn’t look too certain when they hit the locker room at halftime, but when they came back out, things changed. They played beautiful basketball, and the best part was that you could tell they were enjoying it. 

            So many times with sports — or anything else for that matter — it’s just about winning. Yes, these girls ended up winning the conference championship, but they also had a great time doing it. Go Lady Spartans!

            Margot loved watching the game, but she also gleaned confidence in her own basketball skills by seeing these girls persevere. On Saturday morning, she played her last basketball game of the season. The Raging Unicorns went into the game with a 1-11 record. Margot, the only girl on the team and one of four in the league, put up two good shots. They didn’t go in, but she finally had the confidence to try. Her team ended up winning by one point. Proud mama! 

            The theme continued at my desk, as my quote-of-the-day calendar handed me this gem, “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it,” from Helen Keller, one of my heroes. Later at the Y, another quote hit me straight between the eyes, “If everything was perfect, you would never learn and you would never grow,” from Beyonce Knowles. Even XM got in on the action by playing that super annoying ’90s song by Chumbawamba, I Get Knocked Down. (Just try to get that out of your head now.)

            These were powerful messages, but I kept resisting them, not trusting them, and the one thing the universe can’t stand is to be ignored. 

            Finally, two incidents worked together to pull me out of my pity pit. The first one involved my beloved husband. In the middle of an extraordinary meltdown Sunday night, I said I just wanted smooth water for a while. He looked straight into my eyes and told me that that’s not how life works.

In that instant, I realized he was right. The waves aren’t going to keep coming. I just need to learn how to surf. (That’s a variation of a Jon Kabat-Zinn quote, so don’t give me credit for it and don’t sue me.) Regardless, things began clicking.

            The other prong of my comeback involved reading Bryan Stevenson’s Just Mercy. Beautifully written, this book is incredible in that it’s horrific and hopeful all at once. Last night I read a passage that struck me especially hard. It reads as follows:

“I am more than broken. In fact, there is a strength, a power even, in understanding brokenness, because embracing our brokenness creates a need and desire for mercy, and perhaps a corresponding need to show mercy. When you experience mercy, you learn things that are hard to learn otherwise. You see things that you can’t otherwise see; you hear things you can’t otherwise hear. You begin to recognize the humanity that resides in each of us.

“All of the sudden, I felt stronger. I began thinking about what would happen if we all just acknowledged our brokenness, if we owned up to our weaknesses, our deficits, our biases, our fears.”

            I thought about that before falling asleep, and I realized that it’s okay that I’m broken, but it’s not okay to lose hope. When I woke up this morning, I had a new energy about me. All I wanted to do was run, despite the drizzle outside. After I dropped the kids off at school, I parked my minivan and sent a couple of e-mails from my phone. By the time I finished, the rain stopped, and I ran my usual route. 

            During my fourth lap around the track at the college, I saw a bluebird flutter by me as if to say, “I’m glad you made it.” I smiled back at him, thinking how good it felt to be back on track. 

The sun finally decided to make an appearance today, bringing Carolina Blue skies with it, the absolute best color in the world. That’s a huge Wink right there because the dismal weather of the past week about did me in. (I really need one of those “happy lights.”) Anyway, before you go out there and enjoy this glorious day, here are this week’s Weekly Winks.

            Every Friday I share the Winks of Goodness I experienced throughout the week because I’ve found that writing down and formally acknowledging these suckers gives them more power. I encourage you to share your own Weekly Winks on my site or on social media. Look around and write them down — share the goodness.   

Saturday— Today I returned home to say goodbye to an important figure in my life. (Read more about it in the Cold Springs, Warm Hearts piece I posted earlier this week.) I was emotionally exhausted by nightfall, but my heart was filled with love. 

Sunday— I saw a cardinal and a bluebird on my morning run. That’s runner’s bingo in my book. 

Monday— Margot and Graydon had the day off, so we ran errands together. She still likes to hold my hand when we walk around. It’s the absolute best thing in the world. 

Tuesday— When I pulled out of the Y, I got behind an SUV with a huge blue butterfly sticker on its back window. I know it was a Wink from my mom telling me to keep my chin up. 

Wednesday— For my half-birthday (yes, that is indeed a thing in my family), N.C. State beat Duke in basketball (88-66). My husband went to N.C. State, so I pull for the Wolfpack when they’re not playing my beloved Tar Heels, and let’s face it, I’d pull for any team against DOOK. 

Thursday— It snowed!

Friday— Delayed school opening = The Tots and I getting a little extra sleep. I’ll take whatever I can get!

Happy weekend! Go enjoy the sunshine!

Some of the homes in my neighborhood are being torn down to make way for newer, grander structures. It’s to be expected, as I live in an older neighborhood. Sometimes I think the teardowns are legitimate; other times I think a good renovation would have been a better route. Either way, I’m just a spectator watching to see which brick is destroyed and which brick is laid, which windows are shattered and which ones are installed. It’s a fun game. (John and I even make bets about it.)

            It’s more bittersweet for him because he grew up in our neighborhood and knows the history of these homes. A typical southerner, he refers to houses by who owned them when he was growing up, even though most of those folks have either moved away — or died. Regardless, the house on the corner still belongs to the Youngs, even though they haven’t lived there for 20 years. 

            As someone whose roots run deep in nearby Cabarrus County, I understand. Driving along Cold Springs Road, named for the natural spring that runs behind my home church, I can name who lived in almost every house. John gets the biggest kick out of it, but for me, it’s sacred history. It’s a randomly crafted community that’s provided an abundance of love and support for my family across decades. 

            Sadly, the cast of characters I grew up admiring are taking their final bows. Each time one of them passes away, it feels like the dismantling of my childhood. One day I’ll return to my hometown to find that there are more people I don’t know than I know. 

            It’s human to think that you’re going to live forever. It’s even more human to think that the important people in your life are invincible. We know in our heads that we’re all mortal, but our hearts have selective retention and believe that everyone will go on just as they always have. If only.

            Two weeks ago, I was brutally reminded that we’re not guaranteed forever. A friend, who grew up off of Cold Springs Road, texted that a close friend of my family had been killed in an accident. Some bricks are carefully taken out of a structure; others are removed without a second to spare. Just like that, a man I had known and loved my whole life, the father of one of my oldest and dearest friends was gone. 

            Death is tough no matter what form it comes in, but when it arrives with no warning, it’s cruel. As my friend said in her father’s eulogy, “When the unthinkable happens and you lose someone so amazing without warning, it makes time stop. Memories flood your mind.”

            Sitting through the memorial service this past Saturday, I was inundated with memories. I looked at the congregation in the church where I grew up. I saw the people who were sitting there physically, and I remembered the ones who weren’t — the ones who used to sit in those same pews, believing that they always would. It was almost too much to bear, but deep in my sadness, I found gratitude. 

            I was grateful for a childhood filled with climbing trees in the churchyard, plunking out Heart and Soul on the old piano in the fellowship hall and youth group meetings on Sunday nights. I was grateful for playing Four Square as a scout on Wednesday evenings, chopping barbecue in the fall and singing cantatas at Christmas. I was grateful for good deviled eggs, notes of support and Easter corsages. And I was grateful for the man we were there to remember because he encouraged me so many times in my life. 

            Love hurts just as much as it heals. If you’re lucky, you get to experience both. If you’re really lucky, you realize the beauty in that. And if you’re extremely lucky, you can go home, remembering all the love from the folks who are no longer there and taking in the love from the ones who still are. 

I hope you all are out there celebrating love in its many forms this Valentine’s Day, and I also hope you got plenty of goodies on this special occasion. I just left Harris Teeter with cilantro and NC State beer for my sweetie. It’s not as good as The Stones tickets (whoo-hoo!) he gave me, but I think he’ll like it. So without getting too mushy, here are this week’s Weekly Winks.

            Every Friday I share the Winks of Goodness I experienced throughout the week because I’ve found that writing down and formally acknowledging these suckers gives them more power. I encourage you to share your own Weekly Winks on my site or on social media. Look around and write them down — share the goodness.   

Saturday— We celebrated my Dad’s 83^rdbirthday with a Polar Pizza featuring his favorite candy — Reese’s (pronounced Reesie’s) Peanut Butter Cups. Happy Birthday, Dad!

Sunday— We joined our new church, and it was such an exciting day for all four of us. The church’s baking team baked all of the new members bread (pumpkin and blueberry!). (They even let The Tots bring home an extra loaf.)

Monday— I had a miserable cold that prevented me from going to my regular class at the Y. Instead, I walked around Jetton Park, one of my happy places.

Tuesday— I had two Winks today, and since I make the rules on this site, I’m going to share both of them. First off, I went to yoga, as my dreadful cold prevented me from doing a high-impact workout. The class was more than full, but one lady (Kate) got there early and put out mats for people. She called over to me because there was one mat left. I got to take the class after all. Thanks, Kate!

            Later at Target, I met a mom who has kids at The Tots’ school. I soon learned that she owns the yoga studio where my late cousin, Marti, used to go all the time. Marti passed away five years ago in March, and I miss her every day, as she was a kindred spirit with great taste. Anyway, I got chills when I discovered my new friend remembered her. It was so nice connecting with someone who knew how special Marti was. Love you, Marti!

Wednesday— My cold wasn’t letting up, so I surrendered to the couch for the morning. It was nice to do nothing and not feel guilty about it. And I actually began to feel better by the afternoon. 

Thursday— One of Margot’s best friends visited from Tennessee. Margot’s face lit up as soon as she saw her. When it was time for me to take her friend to where she was staying for the night, they held hands as they walked to the car. Their friendship is so sweet and special. 

Friday— Margot came downstairs this morning wearing her pink blanket like a cape, as she carried a “Happy Valentine’s Day” balloon. I love her to pieces!

Happy Valentine’s Day! Go spread some love!

            Valentine’s Day looks a lot different from where I sit these days. Instead of candlelight dinners with roses, it’s meeting each other on the bleachers while our kids practice basketball. If my husband and I are lucky, we’ll split a box of conversation hearts and call it a day. The funny thing is, that’s totally okay with me. 

            When you’re younger you need to enjoy all the bells and whistles of a holiday, especially Valentine’s Day, because you don’t know any better. It’s not your fault because most of us don’t have the gift of perspective in our teens and 20s. Everyone knows it’s fun to receive a box of candy or a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer. It’s even more fun to dress up for a fancy dinner with someone you really like, but the older you grow, the more you realize that that’s not what Valentine’s Day should be about. 

            This isn’t a rant about how commercialized and made up the day is because we all know that it’s both of those things. This is about digging through the candy and cards to celebrate what February 14 is supposed to be about — love. 

            My favorite TV ad right now is from New York Life where the announcer explains the four words the ancient Greeks used for love — philia, storgé, eros and agape. I like how it illustrates the forms love takes during different times in our lives — and sometimes all at once. Love can be the cute rom-com plot where the girl gets the guy in the end despite whatever misunderstanding took place halfway through the movie, but it can also be helping your spouse take care of his aging parents, listening to a friend talk about her cancer treatments or teaching your child their multiplication tables at the end of the day when you’re both exhausted. 

            What if we celebrated all kinds of love on Valentine’s Day instead of focusing solely on romantic love? What if we loved all the moms out there who work on their laptops wherever their kids’ activities take them? What if we loved the elderly man who can’t remember what you just told him but can tell you about his friends from high school? What if we loved the teenager who sat with the new girl eating by herself in the school cafeteria? Or the teacher who stayed an hour late (without pay) to make sure a student understood long division?   

            These are all examples of love, and we should celebrate them every day, not just on some random day in February. Think about what a colossal Wink of Goodness that would be. Instead we (including me) spend way too much time debating and arguing over things that don’t matter. (How many posts/articles did you read about J.Lo’s Super Bowl halftime show?) 

            Our world is broken in so many ways. There are problems and struggles in every realm, yet there’s one balm for all of it — love. I’m not suggesting we abandon our opinions and beliefs and go sing Kumbaya on a mountainside. I’m suggesting that we love folks who have opposing opinions and beliefs. I’m suggesting we stop feeding on negativity, and begin a healthy diet of goodness in all of its many forms. If we’re lucky, this strategy will result in respect, healthy debate and perhaps solutions. 

            So this Friday when you open that box of candy your husband lovingly stopped at Walgreens to purchase for you, think about how this Valentine’s Day can be the start of something good, not only for you, but for the world. 

            Happy Valentine’s Day!

What started as a week with lots of time blocked out to get things done ended up being an exhausting set of days filled with tragedy and super weird weather. I texted to a couple of friends this morning that life moved a little too fast for me this past week. It’s times like these when we need Winks more than ever. That’s one of the main reasons I created this site. So without further adieu, here’s this week’s Weekly Winks.

            Every Friday I share the Winks of Goodness I experienced throughout the week because I’ve found that writing down and formally acknowledging these suckers gives them more power. I encourage you to share your own Weekly Winks on my site or on social media. Look around and write them down — share the goodness.   

Saturday — At The Tots’ basketball game, two toddlers set up their stuffed animals (all four of them) to watch the game. It was way too precious. The imagination of a small child is a wonderful gift. Soak it in whenever you can. 

Sunday— The Tots turned 10! They woke up early to greet their new age (and presents). There are no words to describe how much I love these two people. 

Monday — Graydon had to stay home from school because of a terrible cold. I’m not a great “sick” mom because I don’t have a good frame of reference for it. (Not to brag, but I was the nerd who had 12 years of perfect attendance at school.) That said, I was touched when Graydon told me I was a great mommy while he was lying on the couch congested. 

Tuesday— I ran on the Davidson College campus (my favorite place to run) in a tank top — in February. Add that there was a slight drizzle and you have the perfect run, my friends.  

Wednesday— At our Wednesday night church dinner, Jessika Tucker, executive director at Angels & Sparrows (an amazing soup kitchen in Huntersville – www.angels&sparrows.org) spoke. Her stories of helping and hope were incredibly inspiring. It’s so important that we help each other. Just do it!

Thursday — The weather decided to go berserk today, and The Tots had to shelter in place twice at school because of a tornado warning. (Thanks to awesome admin and teachers for keeping them safe. Teachers do so much more than teach.) Margot has terrible weather anxiety, and I was so worried about her. Once we had clearance to pick up our kids, I went to get them. When I got there, they were fine and told me they wanted to stay. I was so proud of them for being brave. I went over to Harris Teeter, made a salad at the salad bar and ate it in my mini van while they finished their day.

Friday — On Wednesday night, one of my oldest friends and my big sister (not by blood but close enough) lost her father in an automobile accident. He was a close family friend, and this is beyond heartbreaking for her family and the community. Though we have grown apart as our lives took place in different towns and the responsibility of motherhood fills our calendars, my friend and I have a special bond that can’t be broken. This morning as she was sifting through pictures for her father’s service, she found one of my parents dancing at her wedding. She texted it to me, and through all of this unbelievable pain, here was a Wink of Goodness. I hope and pray that’s she able to find more Winks as she navigates this horrific time. 

Happy weekend! Hug the people you love and tell them just that, that you love them. 

Last week one of my Weekly Winks was listening to Margot talk about the birds she saw flying overhead on the way to school. That experience reminded me to always look up because you never know what you might see. Over the weekend I thought about what I wrote, and I realized that looking around is just as important. 

            In our competitive world, it is so easy to get caught in the trap of looking to those who “appear” to be better off than we are in any category: weight, income, looks, career, motherhood, etc. I’m tempted to blame it on social media, and while that is a big culprit, people have been comparing and despairing forever. Remember the Joneses? Many of us are still trying to keep up with them. 

            I hate that I struggle with this, but if this blog is supposed to be an honest take on what I think about things, I have to come clean. Whether it’s the green-eyed monster, as my mother used to call it, or the “grass is greener syndrome,” we all fall prey to jealousy. (That is everyone except my husband, who really is the most self-secure person I’ve ever met. It’s super annoying until I remember how noble it is.) 

            It’s ridiculous that jealousy shows up on my radar, as I have everything I need and most of what I want, and some wants are just silly so you can’t even count the fact that you don’t have them. (For instance, I’d love to have an industrial-grade crushed ice machine, but am I really deprived without one? I think not.) It’s safe to say that the majority of us have it pretty good, yet we go on coveting one another’s vacations, countertops and jean sizes. 

            The other night I was rewatching the Christmas episode of Bless the Harts. (This is my favorite show right now, and it was created by the super talented Emily Spivey, a North Carolina native!) It’s a cartoon on FOX about a family (said Harts) living in the Piedmont. (North Carolina newbies, our state is divided into three sections: the mountains, the Piedmont and the coastal plains.)

            Anyway, the main character is Jenny (Kristen Wiig), and she’s a waitress at a fish camp (seafood restaurant) called The Last Supper, where she frequently has insightful discussions with Jesus (Kumail Nanjiani). I love their talks because I always come away with a slice of wisdom and a good laugh. In the Christmas episode, Jenny talks with Jesus about jealousy, and he tells her straight up that “feelings of jealousy are completely normal.” I immediately felt better when I heard cartoon Jesus say that.

            It’s not that I’m consumed with jealousy by any means, but it does rear its ugly head occasionally, especially when everything seems to be going wrong in my world. That’s where looking around comes into play. 

            My parents always told me that my problems (whatever they were) were valid, but that it was also important to pay attention to other people’s troubles because they might be bigger than my own. It was a lesson in perspective that I’ve never forgotten, and it’s a lesson I’m trying to pass on to my children. 

            So when the green-eyed monster pays me a visit, I look around. I see my friend, a single mom of two, working an hourly wage job to put food on the table. I see children learning about cancer from experience rather than health class. I see people waiting in line on a cold morning for affordable housing. I see an elderly person eating alone at a meat and three (diner) because he’s lost his wife, and I see a young man with only a backpack to his name wandering around a shopping center parking lot for food.             

Seeing these things is powerful, but doing something about them is even more so. Sharing whatever you’ve got with someone who needs it is kryptonite to jealousy, and more importantly, it shows the universe gratitude.

Looking around has taught me how much there is to be thankful for. Try it and see if it does the same for you.