Photography by Lori K. Tate
Valentine’s Day looks a lot different from where I sit these days. Instead of candlelight dinners with roses, it’s meeting each other on the bleachers while our kids practice basketball. If my husband and I are lucky, we’ll split a box of conversation hearts and call it a day. The funny thing is, that’s totally okay with me.
When you’re younger you need to enjoy all the bells and whistles of a holiday, especially Valentine’s Day, because you don’t know any better. It’s not your fault because most of us don’t have the gift of perspective in our teens and 20s. Everyone knows it’s fun to receive a box of candy or a bouquet of flowers from a secret admirer. It’s even more fun to dress up for a fancy dinner with someone you really like, but the older you grow, the more you realize that that’s not what Valentine’s Day should be about.
This isn’t a rant about how commercialized and made up the day is because we all know that it’s both of those things. This is about digging through the candy and cards to celebrate what February 14 is supposed to be about — love.
My favorite TV ad right now is from New York Life where the announcer explains the four words the ancient Greeks used for love — philia, storgé, eros and agape. I like how it illustrates the forms love takes during different times in our lives — and sometimes all at once. Love can be the cute rom-com plot where the girl gets the guy in the end despite whatever misunderstanding took place halfway through the movie, but it can also be helping your spouse take care of his aging parents, listening to a friend talk about her cancer treatments or teaching your child their multiplication tables at the end of the day when you’re both exhausted.
What if we celebrated all kinds of love on Valentine’s Day instead of focusing solely on romantic love? What if we loved all the moms out there who work on their laptops wherever their kids’ activities take them? What if we loved the elderly man who can’t remember what you just told him but can tell you about his friends from high school? What if we loved the teenager who sat with the new girl eating by herself in the school cafeteria? Or the teacher who stayed an hour late (without pay) to make sure a student understood long division?
These are all examples of love, and we should celebrate them every day, not just on some random day in February. Think about what a colossal Wink of Goodness that would be. Instead we (including me) spend way too much time debating and arguing over things that don’t matter. (How many posts/articles did you read about J.Lo’s Super Bowl halftime show?)
Our world is broken in so many ways. There are problems and struggles in every realm, yet there’s one balm for all of it — love. I’m not suggesting we abandon our opinions and beliefs and go sing Kumbaya on a mountainside. I’m suggesting that we love folks who have opposing opinions and beliefs. I’m suggesting we stop feeding on negativity, and begin a healthy diet of goodness in all of its many forms. If we’re lucky, this strategy will result in respect, healthy debate and perhaps solutions.
So this Friday when you open that box of candy your husband lovingly stopped at Walgreens to purchase for you, think about how this Valentine’s Day can be the start of something good, not only for you, but for the world.
Happy Valentine’s Day!