“Keep Going” has Got to Go

I need a new bag that reads, “Please move forward.”

A few years ago, I bought a tote bag that read “keep going.” I liked the sentiment because, at the time, I was adulting a lot with bankers and lawyers, and they’ve never been my favorite playmates. I needed a daily reminder to, well, keep going.

I love my bag and carry groceries in it when I remember to take it to the store. I’ve even used it as a beach bag, but after hearing something at the airport the other day, I think it could use a little editing.

While walking through what looked like glass closets after my return flight, a polite woman’s voice came over the speaker saying, “Don’t stop. Please move forward.” The latter part of her mantra is what struck me — “please move forward.” I couldn’t get it out of my head. I liked it so much better than “keep going.”

“Keep going” implies a struggle where you want to stop but you can’t or don’t. It’s a runner in a marathon, limping to the finish line. It’s a new mom gulping caffeine to stay awake with her colicky baby. It’s Bill Withers holding the long notes in “Lovely Day.”

Moving forward has a much more positive spin. Instead of trudging through something, you’re moving beyond it. You’ve been through the yuckiness of the situation, done the work, and are ready to move on. Think of a grieving widow who finally accepts that her husband is gone or a cancer patient ringing the bell after her final round of chemo.

During the past six years, my family has experienced radical changes in the aftermath of the deaths of parents and friends. More than one person told us that we had to keep going during our grief storm. No doubt there are times when you have to keep going to survive, but it’s easy to forget that you don’t have to do it forever.

Our culture is rooted in constant motion. Having a packed agenda carries as much status as carrying a Louis Vuitton bag. Don’t get me wrong, I like to check off a to-do list as much as anyone else, but I’m not willing to run myself ragged for it anymore. That’s when the “keep going” mentality turns toxic. We admonish the people who (gasp) stop to take a break or, God forbid, take a leave of absence. How dare they have the audacity to do nothing for a while.

I have tremendous respect for my friend who recently lost her husband. A mother of two, she is strong as steel and has since implemented “freedom days” at her house every now and then. On freedom days, no one has to do anything. There are no chores, no outings, everyone makes their own meals. No one tells anyone what to do, and the words “keep going” are prohibited. She says this has helped the non-freedom days go smoother. I’m not surprised.

When I got my first job out of college, I worked through lunch every day to impress my boss. It finally caught up to me one day when my dad told me that I needed to “sharpen my saw if I was going to cut wood.” With those sage words, I started taking my hour-long lunch outside at the picnic table. My work improved, my stress level decreased, and my boss gave me a raise.

This is where the airport lady has it all wrong. It’s okay to stop. In fact, I highly recommend it. It’s okay, even beneficial, to pause and take notes about where you’ve been, where you are and where you want to go. Add a dose of forgiveness and grace to the mix and you’ll be surprised at what happens.

As I venture into the second full month of spring, the idea of new beginnings seems more than appropriate. Not a fan of New Year’s, I prefer to start over when the azaleas make their debut and the honeysuckle smells just right. I’m so into the idea that I bought a new planner last week. I have no idea what I’ll fill its pages with, but I know that even though I’ve ditched my “keep going” philosophy, I’ll still be moving forward.