Photography by Lori K. Tate
Today is Friday, the day that I share my Weekly Winks, but with all that’s going on in the world, especially our country, it’s hard to point the Winks out. There is so much that I want to say about George Floyd, the man who was murdered by a police officer in Minneapolis; Ahmaud Arbery, the man who was murdered while he was out for a run in Georgia; and the hundreds of others who fall into this senseless category, but I can’t get a grip on my emotions right now, so I’ll offer this.
Two years ago I took a class at my children’s school about the history of racism in our country. Taught by the brilliant Dr. Lucretia Carter Berry (check out www.brownicity.com), I learned more than I ever could have imagined about race relations. She designed the curriculum and wrote the book that we studied in the class, What Lies Between Us: Fostering First Steps Toward Racial Healing. Many days I left class with tears in my eyes. Other days I left angry — angry that I didn’t know any of this stuff before now, angry that so many people I know will probably never know it, angrier still that so many people I know won’t really care about it.
We always connect to the piece of the puzzle that fits closest to us, and that’s what happened when a fellow mom told me that she didn’t feel comfortable going out in public wearing workout clothes. It’s not that she was overweight; it’s that she was black. She felt like she always had to be dressed to the nines to stay safe and be taken somewhat seriously when she left her home.
As someone who wears yoga pants more than not, I quickly fell into a better (not at all complete) understanding of what my black friends face every day. It sounds so simple, but it signifies so many things, and it brought my white privilege to the surface. I live the life fandango every day, even during COVID-19. I’m grateful for every bit of it, but my heart aches for those who can’t go and do the simplest things in this world without facing the eyes of suspicion. It has nothing to do with quarantining and everything to do with racism, and it has to stop.
I can’t imagine being the mother of a black child in today’s world. It’s hard enough for me to give my 10-year-old white children a little slice of independence simply because of normal mom anxiety. Will they fall down while riding their bikes? Will they get hit by a car? Will a snake bite them? That’s nothing compared to what black children face when they simply walk around the block. Will someone harass them? Will someone hit them? Will someone shoot them? It’s maddening.
Today, as I set up my workout outside, I saw my 90-something neighbor walking with her caregiver. My neighbor is white, and her caregiver is black. Watching them chat away as they passed by, I thought of how more of us need to do that. Sure, they’re in a business arrangement. Her caregiver is paid to take care of her, but what if once a week we took a walk with someone of a different race. What if they walked with us in our neighborhoods and we walked with them in theirs? What if we discovered what we have in common and learned from our differences? What if we shared jokes and stories? What if we swapped recipes? What if we became friends?
Getting to know someone is the pathway to healing, folks. That’s how we learn, and judging by what I briefly heard on the news this morning (I had to turn it off because I started crying), we have a lot of learning to do.
It seems frivolous this week, but the Winks I witnessed are important because they serve as lights in this time of darkness. So without further adieu, here are this week’s Weekly Winks.
Every Friday I share the Winks of Goodness I experienced throughout the week because I’ve found that writing down and formally acknowledging these suckers gives them more power. I encourage you to share your own Weekly Winks on my site or on social media. Look around and write it down — share the goodness.
Saturday — I saw a piece of art that connects to a new writing business I’m launching — more on that soon.
Sunday — I’ve always wanted to have my own Christmas special on TV, during which I would walk down a staircase that lights up step by step. (Can you tell I grew up in the ’70s?) Anyway, as I was walking through the freezer section at Publix, the movement sensor lights flashed on in time with me. For a brief moment, my TV special dream came true! (This is what COVID-19 is doing to me.)
Monday — I did the Murph with a group of neighbors, and we had the best time, especially since one of my neighbors is a veteran who did many tours in Afghanistan, as well as Iraq. He shared some compelling stories with us about his experiences overseas.
Tuesday — Margot and I visited her church choir leader for a few minutes (in her yard). She’s retiring after 41 years, so it was special to see her.
Wednesday — The Tots and I found a Muppets version of Bohemian Rhapsody on YouTube. I highly recommend it.
Thursday — The song from Space Jam came on as I was finishing my workout. I LOVE THAT SONG!
Friday — When I walked out of our front door this morning, I found a large stone with a piece of grass tied around it like a present. My daughter left it there, and I’m sure glad she did.
Get outside this weekend and get outside of your comfort zone to connect with someone different from you. You might just find out that you’re not that different after all.