This was originally posted on July 29, 2020.
Wednesdays are our big day out. That’s the day we deliver groceries to church to be delivered to children who don’t have enough to eat in our community. Every week when I place our paper bag of staples in the cart, I feel two things. One, that I’m helping folks in a super small way, and two, that I accomplished something.
Before COVID-19, I used to accomplish a lot. I’d craft elaborate to-do lists daily and crush every item with a check mark, often adding more tasks just to up the ante. In COVID world, I’m still doing stuff, lots of stuff, but it’s not the same.
After we drop our groceries off on Wednesdays, I usually take The Tots through the Chick-fil-A drive-through, the epitome of efficiency. (I just downloaded the app, and I’m even more impressed.) Sometimes we come home after that. Sometimes we run errands. Today we had a list of things to do, and as we started checking things off, I could feel the adrenaline rush of being organized, together, even normal, but I know that things are not normal, and that’s when I started feeling down.
By now you’d think I would have grown accustomed to COVID world, but the longer we linger here, the harder it gets. As we approach new seasons, we’re greeted with new cancellations, new procedures, new rules and new reminders that there is no end to this in sight. Is our Elf on the Shelf going to arrive wearing a mask? Probably.
I’m sad about so many things, but I keep doing positive calculus in my head to stay strong for my kids. Here’s how my monkey mind math works. Yes, I’m sad that my children have to return to remote learning when school starts, but I’m grateful that I have a flexible job that allows me to be with them. Yes, I’m crushed that I had to cancel my Y membership, but I’m lucky that I can run and have workouts that I can do at home. Yes, I’d love to sit in Lingle Chapel with my friends for the 9:45 service, but I’m beyond thankful our church puts together an awesome online service that I can watch on my porch at 9:45 with the birds chirping in the background.
It’s exhausting arithmetic, but most of the time it keeps me out of the pity pit. Today, I just couldn’t swing it. People were being rude in traffic, downtown Davidson wasn’t bustling like it would have been in a COVIDless world and two millennials weren’t’ wearing masks at Target (come on, people). I had no choice but to pull out my emergency tool kit.
When I reach DEFCON 1 with the blues, I reach for the easiest avenues to goodness – quotes. If I’m out shopping, it’s easy because quotes are everywhere. Here are some of the highlights from today: “Sunny Days Ahead,” “Just Roll With It,” “There is always something to be grateful for,” “You are Capable of Amazing Things” and “Have Fun, Innovate, Encourage, Be Honest, Inspire, Experience, Be Kind.” Those definitely put me on the up escalator, and when Graydon started singing Benee’s Supalonely in the car, I was well on my way to recovery.
No, I’m not tap dancing on rainbows now, but at least I no longer want to blow my horn at every car that passes me or punch out those mask-less millennials. I’ll take that as progress.
The truth is that there are more hard days ahead of us. COVID or not, there always will be hard days. Knowing that, I take comfort in my bag of tricks. They keep me going when I just want to stop and scream or cry (or both)! Goodness, in whichever form, won’t let you down. All you have to do is look for it.