Every Friday I share the Winks of Goodness I experienced throughout the week because I’ve found that writing down and formally acknowledging these suckers gives them more power. I encourage you to share your own Weekly Winks on my site or on social media. Look around and write it down — share the goodness.
Saturday — We celebrated my 48thbirthday with dear friends and our precious new puppy, Sunflower (Sunny for short). She is the best doggie ever!
Sunday — Today, I just checked stuff off of my to-do list, and it’s embarrassing how much joy that brings to me. #middleage
Monday — During lunch I was listening to the radio and Mr. Sandman by The Chordettes came on. My mother used to sing this song all the time, and it’s super rare to ever hear it. I know it was her giving me the pat on the back I needed.
Tuesday — A goldfinch landed on our neighbor’s fountain this morning.
Wednesday — I splurged on a new exercise mat, and it is all that and a bag of chips. Now to stop puppy from biting it!
Thursday — I “taught” five kids in our pod today. These kids are giving it their all even though they so want to be on campus with their friends and teachers. COVID, go away!
Friday — I survived the second week of virtual learning! God bless everyone out there trying to make this work! We’ll get there!
Get outside, look for goodness and savor it, friends! Happy weekend!
I turned 48 last week and have learned a few things along the way.
Photography by Lori K. Tate
So the last couple of weeks have been a bit surreal, but that’s fitting because the past year has been the most surreal year I’ve ever lived through. And I’ve lived through 48 of them. That’s right, last week I celebrated a birthday that rhymes with my last name, which no one probably thinks about but me. I’m okay with that.
My birthdays have always been a big deal. Blame it on being an only child, blame it on being a lake kid with a summer birthday or just blame it on me loving all of the attention. You pick. Regardless, my past two birthdays have been strange. Last year, I sat by my ailing mother’s bedside — she died two days later. This year The Tots and I (and John) started settling into virtual school, knowing the anniversary of my mom’s death was coming up. We’re all doing our best, but it’s not easy.
The coronavirus has tainted everything with its invisible power. Just try to think of someone or something it hasn’t affected. You can’t. The flipside of this off-the-chart wacky year is that it’s made me notice everything, good or bad, a little bit more. Even though my eyesight is diminishing as my age increases, I can see things more clearly than ever. Here are 48 things I’ve learned during my recent trip around the sun.
48. Walking in nature can fix whatever is bothering you.
47. I’m not a neat person. I want to be, but I’m just not.
46. Facemasks cause acne, but you should still wear one.
45. Carpool was one of my favorite things.
46. I need more patience.
45. Non-brand clothes on Amazon are surprisingly cute and affordable much of the time.
44. The Vegan Bites at Publix are really cookies, but I keep telling myself they’re healthy treats. Okay, healthyish.
43. Dogs are much more successful at waking me up than alarm clocks ever were.
42. I can do hard things.
41. Some things really are all about money even when they shouldn’t be.
40. I liked the word “pivot” better when it was used in my dance class growing up.
39. People will believe anything.
38. Helping people is the best way to help yourself.
37. So many of us, including me, are spoiled.
36. Sitting outside with a good book is pretty much heaven for me.
35. Sitting outside at Bald Head Island IS heaven for me.
34. Opportunity usually arrives as a surprise.
33. I can enjoy church on YouTube — at least until I can go back.
32. Friends are everything.
31. Acquaintances are everything else.
30. I really love Cool Whip (the store brand). Don’t judge me!
29. The Tots are growing up.
28. There is such a thing as being too scared.
27. The world won’t end if I don’t complete my daily to-do list.
26. Cats and dogs can live together. Adverb to be determined.
25. Things happen in life that you never thought would happen.
24. Not all restaurants do take-out well. God bless them for trying though.
23. Some people can change.
22. It’s okay to pick the low-hanging fruit sometimes.
21. Gray hair can look a lot like blonde hair.
20. People need to be with each other.
19. Just because you’ve always done something one way doesn’t mean you have to do it that way.
18. Husbands who can fix things are the best.
17. Husbands who love you when you’re crazy are even better.
16. Some things really were meant to be.
15. Some things aren’t.
14. People will surprise you if you let them.
13. I’m not as terrible with technology as I previously thought.
12. It’s okay to lower your expectations, especially during a pandemic.
11. Julia Sugarbaker will always be my hero, even though I have a little bit of Suzanne in me, too.
10. Butterflies mean everything.
9. Seltzer water is one of my favorite things on the planet. Yes, I’d love another Bubly. Thank you!
8. I’m proud of where I came from even though there are parts of it I don’t understand.
7. Some folks won’t be in your life forever.
6. Some folks will.
5. Anything can be political.
4. My children are smarter than me, and I’m okay with that.
3. I don’t let myself have enough fun.
2. Brené Brown is a genius.
1. I had no idea how much my mother taught me until she was gone.
This is Azalea, my first furry pet. Photography by Chris Edwards and Lori K. Tate
I want a dog. I’ve always wanted a dog, and with the exception of few weeks in third grade when a stray lived with us, I’ve never had a dog as a pet.
A little backstory here. My mom and dad were amazing parents, but they just weren’t into dogs or any kind of high-maintenance pet. Dad would always say we traveled too much, which worked as an excuse until I grew old enough to realize that we didn’t travel all that much. My husband, John, who grew up with a dog (Sam) and loves dogs, consistently points out the responsibility involved and references how cats are so much easier.
I love cats. I love our cats, but I want our family to also include a pet that can do things with us (especially me) outside of the home. (I’ve tried walking a cat on a leash, and it doesn’t work.) Plus, The Tots are getting to the point where they want to be with their friends more. That’s understandable. That’s normal. And that’s good, but that doesn’t stop it from hurting a little.
For the past 10 years, my children have been my sidekicks. When I go anywhere without them, I’m constantly looking over my shoulder to see where they are. As much as I want them to explore their independence and grow, I also want to keep them with me forever. I know that’s not how it works, so don’t chalk me up to one of those crazy helicopter parents who follows their children around the country during every phase of their lives. It’s just that their tweendom bloomed during COVID, and we all know that this stupid virus makes everything worse.
Their growing up coupled with my father-in-law’s rapidly declining health, the loss of my mom, and the nervousness The Tots and I have about remote learning has created the need for a tremendous bright spot. I know that you’re thinking to yourselves, “Hey chick, you’re the one always telling us to look for goodness in small and surprising places, so go find it.” You’re right, but sometimes you have to create your own goodness.
Case in point. When 9/11 happened, I was going through a horrible break up with a guy who was nothing but trouble. So while I watched the towers crumble on television, I was also nursing one of the worst broken hearts I’ve ever experienced. I remember curling up under the covers of my bed with my teary eyes glued to the endless coverage of the attack. Scared and hopeless, I decided then and there to adopt a cat, my first furry pet. (I’m the kid who had hermit crabs for pets.)
Adopting Azalea, a tabby with eyes as green as grass, turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. No, she wasn’t warm and fuzzy, but she was there for me when no one else was, and that means something.
I feel like our family is at a similar crossroads and that the timing might be right for a canine. That said, I’ve spent the past week scrolling rescue sites looking for “the one.” I usually search the web for purses or shoes when I’m stressed, but these days I’ve gone to the dogs.
Although I’ve dreamed of having a corgi, I’ve since learned that they might not be the best breed for cats. That discovery has opened the search to any small, young female dog that likes cats and kids. I hear beagles might be good for that. Who knows? Whichever dog can fit in with our feline flow is welcome because we have two fantastic cats, and I don’t want to rock their world too much.
Regardless, as I look at pictures and read bios of precious doggies, I fantasize about the adventures we’ll have. We’ll sit on the back stoop reading together, take walks in the park, go on boat rides, run errands and become the best of pals. (Insert sappy montage here with Queen’s You’re My Best Friend playing in the background.) Sure there’s the maintenance of it all, but that doesn’t seem so bad if we could find the right fit for our family, so the scrolling continues.
I’ll be 48 in less than a week, and as weird as this year has been, I don’t see reverse aging (think Mork & Mindy) becoming a reality. If anything, this year has shown me how important it is to live in the moment, and if that means adopting a dog, so be it. It’s doggone time.
The moon was magical Wednesday night. Photography by Lori K. Tate
This was originally posted on July 31, 2020.
Every Friday I share the Winks of Goodness I experienced throughout the week because I’ve found that writing down and formally acknowledging these suckers gives them more power. I encourage you to share your own Weekly Winks on my site or on social media. Look around and write it down — share the goodness.
Saturday — I spent the day starting the “big sweep” of our house. It feels so good to declutter.
Sunday — Dad came over for our weekly lunch on the patio, and we had a great conversation.
Monday — I caught up with my best friend from Governor’s School over the phone. We hadn’t talked in about three years. Much too long!
Tuesday — I finally killed the #$%^ fly that has been buzzing around our house for the last two days. I feel like I have a new house!
Wednesday — I woke up to Hamilton (one of our tabby cats) snoring. However, his snoring sounds a lot like purring, so I guess I should call it “poring.” Either way it’s super cute. Wink number two involved seeing the moon tonight while walking home from my in-laws. There was just something magical about it.
Thursday — We finished watching Teen Beach 2 as a family, and I have to say that these bubble gum musicals are perfect picker uppers for COVID world.
Friday — I heard this quote from economist Paul Romer this morning on NPR — “A crisis is a terrible thing to waste.” That statement gave me comfort.
Get outside, look for goodness and savor it, friends! Happy weekend!
Even though it’s hard to believe this statement in COVID world, I’m going to trust that this tote is right. Photography by Lori K. Tate
This was originally posted on July 29, 2020.
Wednesdays are our big day out. That’s the day we deliver groceries to church to be delivered to children who don’t have enough to eat in our community. Every week when I place our paper bag of staples in the cart, I feel two things. One, that I’m helping folks in a super small way, and two, that I accomplished something.
Before COVID-19, I used to accomplish a lot. I’d craft elaborate to-do lists daily and crush every item with a check mark, often adding more tasks just to up the ante. In COVID world, I’m still doing stuff, lots of stuff, but it’s not the same.
After we drop our groceries off on Wednesdays, I usually take The Tots through the Chick-fil-A drive-through, the epitome of efficiency. (I just downloaded the app, and I’m even more impressed.) Sometimes we come home after that. Sometimes we run errands. Today we had a list of things to do, and as we started checking things off, I could feel the adrenaline rush of being organized, together, even normal, but I know that things are not normal, and that’s when I started feeling down.
By now you’d think I would have grown accustomed to COVID world, but the longer we linger here, the harder it gets. As we approach new seasons, we’re greeted with new cancellations, new procedures, new rules and new reminders that there is no end to this in sight. Is our Elf on the Shelf going to arrive wearing a mask? Probably.
I’m sad about so many things, but I keep doing positive calculus in my head to stay strong for my kids. Here’s how my monkey mind math works. Yes, I’m sad that my children have to return to remote learning when school starts, but I’m grateful that I have a flexible job that allows me to be with them. Yes, I’m crushed that I had to cancel my Y membership, but I’m lucky that I can run and have workouts that I can do at home. Yes, I’d love to sit in Lingle Chapel with my friends for the 9:45 service, but I’m beyond thankful our church puts together an awesome online service that I can watch on my porch at 9:45 with the birds chirping in the background.
It’s exhausting arithmetic, but most of the time it keeps me out of the pity pit. Today, I just couldn’t swing it. People were being rude in traffic, downtown Davidson wasn’t bustling like it would have been in a COVIDless world and two millennials weren’t’ wearing masks at Target (come on, people). I had no choice but to pull out my emergency tool kit.
When I reach DEFCON 1 with the blues, I reach for the easiest avenues to goodness – quotes. If I’m out shopping, it’s easy because quotes are everywhere. Here are some of the highlights from today: “Sunny Days Ahead,” “Just Roll With It,” “There is always something to be grateful for,” “You are Capable of Amazing Things” and “Have Fun, Innovate, Encourage, Be Honest, Inspire, Experience, Be Kind.” Those definitely put me on the up escalator, and when Graydon started singing Benee’s Supalonely in the car, I was well on my way to recovery.
No, I’m not tap dancing on rainbows now, but at least I no longer want to blow my horn at every car that passes me or punch out those mask-less millennials. I’ll take that as progress.
The truth is that there are more hard days ahead of us. COVID or not, there always will be hard days. Knowing that, I take comfort in my bag of tricks. They keep me going when I just want to stop and scream or cry (or both)! Goodness, in whichever form, won’t let you down. All you have to do is look for it.
