Month: April 2020

            I’ve always liked the number seven, but as we’re halfway through our seventh week of quarantine, seven is losing its luster. Folks, I’m sorry, but it’s time for a rant. Maybe getting all of this out of my system is today’s Wink because it’s no secret that this is getting old. 

            Before anyone points out how important it is to quarantine, know that I am with you. We have to do this, we need to do this and we are doing it. Our healthcare workers and educators are superheroes in my book, and my heart goes out to anyone suffering from the virus, anyone who has lost a loved one to the virus and/or anyone who has lost employment because of this virus. 

            As discussed in earlier posts, there is so much for which to be grateful. My family is lucky in this pandemic in that we’re not sick, and we’ve been able to stay employed. We also have a hammock, which is essential during a pandemic. 

            In addition, I like spending unstructured time with my family, being outside, reading and working on embroidery projects, but even though all of these things bring joy, I am slowly but surely going nuts. 

            Begin Julia Sugarbaker rant here:

             I’m tired of logging into five million sites a day to accomplish tiny tasks that I never used to think about. (Passwords are from the devil and so are screens.) 

             I’m tired of being my children’s secretary. (On top of that, last week was Secretary’s Day, and they didn’t even bring me flowers!) 

            I’m tired of wearing workout clothes every day. If I ever have to dress up again, I’m going to need Garanimals because I have no clue as to how to put an outfit together anymore.

            I’m tired of loading and unloading my dishwasher multiple times a day. (Now I totally get why people put two dishwashers in their kitchens. Brilliant!) 

             I’m tired of feeling like I’m in a science fiction movie when I go to the grocery store. I’ve wasted so much time standing in the aisle weighing the pros and cons of reading labels. (What if that can of diced tomatoes is the one someone with COVID-19 touched? Is it really worth risking my life to know the salt content?) These are actual conversations that take place in my head. Oh and fun fact, the n95 masks that are all the rage this spring leave lines on your face for hours after you take them off — hours. 

            Speaking of face lines, aka wrinkles, we now have Zoom to magnify every single negative aspect of a middle-aged woman’s skin. So not only am I stuck in my house, but I’ve now discovered at least four (big) wrinkles on my face that I didn’t know about when I simply texted people. Sure, I’m glad it’s a way for my children to continue their education and for my husband and I to continue working, and I’ll also give it props for fulfilling my dream of being on Hollywood Squares (I always wanted the top middle square on the show, and I scored it the other day during a Zoom meeting!), but I want people. 

            People, no matter how flawed they are and boy, there are some doozies out there, are the best. I want to hug people, shake hands with people, joke with people, shop with people and sit close to people. I need to move to and from places to see said people. I need to walk with people. I need to have dinner with people. Heck, I even need to disagree with people from time to time. I need people!

            End Julia Sugarbaker rant here.

            Y’all this is a hard situation any way you look at it. Maybe we’re getting close to the end of it, who knows? That’s the hardest part for me, the not knowing part. I’m deadline driven, and there’s not an exact moment when we can say that this is going to be over. The light at the end of the tunnel keeps flickering on and off, and I struggle to keep it in sight.      

Nevertheless, I’m looking for goodness, and I see it through neighbors delivering meals to homeless folks, churches collecting canned food, classmates driving by a friend’s home to wave “Happy Birthday”, a friend starting a nonprofit to refurbish old computers for disadvantaged youth (message me for details) and community leaders creating foundations to help our essential nonprofits survive (check out the Davidson Community Foundation – www.fftc.org/Davidson). Sure, I might pitch hissy fits along the way, but I’m human. We all are, and we’re all dealing with this the best way we can. That’s all we can do.  

            Thanks for letting me rant. I feel better and am ready to jump back into quarantine, wrinkles and all. Stay well!

            It’s Friday! Even though the days feel so similar right now, I still get excited about Fridays. This Friday is especially exciting because my dear husband turns 50 tomorrow. That’s right, I’ll be married to a 50-year-old in less than 24 hours!

            You can’t really get crazy with a birthday celebration while under a stay-at-home order, but in a way it makes it more fun because you have to be creative. That’s the truth about anything these days. We all have to be creative to make things work in our new world. While it’s frustrating at times, it’s also exciting. So that’s the Wink I’m concentrating on right now — the creativity being unveiled during this crisis. If you look at things through that lens, you might be surprised at how much better things appear.  

            So since this is Friday, it’s time for Weekly Winks. Every Friday I share the Winks of Goodness I experienced throughout the week because I’ve found that writing down and formally acknowledging these suckers gives them more power. I encourage you to share your own Weekly Winks on my site or on social media. Look around and write it down — share the goodness.   

Saturday — On Saturday afternoon, I finished a great book — Why We Can’t Sleep by Ada Calhoun. If you are a female member of Generation X, this is the book you have been waiting for. Read it!

Sunday— We had a social distance picnic in my dad’s carport on Sunday afternoon. It was nice to be together. 

Monday — A girl in Graydon’s class had an accident and had to stay in the hospital for a few nights. Everyone in the class sent in pictures and videos so Graydon’s teacher could create a “Get Well” video for her. I cried when I watched it because it was so beautiful. Kindness is the best gift we can give each other, injured or not. 

Tuesday— My best friend from home had a terrible car accident (see The Survival of Friendship entry from April 22, 2020). Though she was injured and had to stay in the hospital overnight, she is going to be okay. Beyond thankful!

Wednesday— The Tots got new bikes this evening, and they are so excited about them! I love that they love being outside and being active!

Thursday — Rainy days are always harder for me during quarantine, but I found a great yoga workout on YouTube that made me feel a lot better. Just keep moving!

Friday— On my morning phone call with dad, he talked about how lonely he was and how much he missed mom. After he talked about his loneliness, he immediately began talking about his 90-year-old friend in a nursing home and how he was worried about him because he can’t have any visitors. That quick shift from self to someone else was so sweet. We’re all dealing with things in this crisis, but when we look beyond ourselves to others, we can make this situation so much better for everyone. 

            On another note, my Christmas Cactus finally bloomed, so I’m taking that as a sign that things are going to get better. 

            Remember that we are all in this together. Look at the world through the lens of creativity and see how beautiful things really are. Stay well!

First of all, Happy Earth Day! If this virus has taught us anything, it’s how powerful nature can be in lifting our spirits. Therefore, I’m sending a huge shout out to the moon and the sun, the flowers and the birds, and my beloved breeze. Nature makes quarantining bearable (even enjoyable), and I am beyond grateful for it. Thank you!

            In other news, I had planned to write about the power of acquaintances today, but as I was plotting that out, my best friend from home, Katrina, had a horrific car accident. The driver of a truck overcorrected after going off the road and hit Katrina head on. The good news is that Kat survived, and although she is braving a broken sternum and a variety of bruises, she is going to be okay. 

            As I write about this, I want to make certain that this is about her and how she has inspired me since we met in fourth grade. Yes, her accident shook me up. We had just had a serious conversation about sunscreen 15 minutes before she crashed, so you can imagine the switching of gears that took place in my head. The first thing I thought was, “Thank God that’s not the last time I spoke with her.”

            Her accident was made more frightening by the COVID-19 crisis. The hospital is the last place anyone wants to go during a global pandemic, but when you have an accident as bad as hers, that’s the first place they take you. Kat had to spend one night in the hospital, and because of the coronavirus, her husband, Ryan, and her two sons weren’t allowed to visit. My heart broke as I thought of her in the hospital all by herself during such a scary time on so many levels. She managed to text us a few times, and then she finally got some sleep. 

            The next morning, she and I were texting about all of her medical stuff, and then she sent the following text to me, “Lori…I am so lucky and blessed.” I just stared at my phone, completely struck by her grace. Not only had she been in a terrible accident, but Kat also had to temporarily close her business (she’s an aesthetician, hence the sunscreen conversation) because of COVID-19. Her stress level was already at capacity, and then this happened. I was mad that she had to endure another traumatic event, and here she was gleaning the goodness. I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of a friend. 

            Kat and I’s friendship has had more ups and downs than a yo-yo, but we love each other to the core. Growing up we were Kate & Allie— remember that show? Kat taught me about cool music (The Cult and The Cure) and even cooler clothes (Concord peeps, remember Brooke’s?). She played a large part in making me the person I am, and I’ll be forever grateful to her for that. Later on I visited her when she lived in Los Angeles (we spied on a men’s water polo team practice at Pepperdine), and years after that, we were in each other’s weddings. 

            Last summer when mom got sick, I went straight to Katrina. She was there through all of the hard conversations and tears. She held me when I was shaking with fear and anger. When we had to put mom in a nursing home temporarily, Kat and I did a drive-by of the facility. It was similar to the days in high school when we’d drive by a cute boy’s house — similar but very different. When mom was in said nursing home, Kat stopped by to file her nails. 

            There are so many times when I could have been a better friend, but Kat loves me as I am, and over the years I’ve learned to do the same. I admire her so much for how hard she works, how smart she is and how tough she is. And now I admire her for her perspective. Though she told me how lucky she was from her hospital bed, she needs to know that we’re the lucky ones because she’s still with us. 

I think it’s Friday. To be honest, I’m not sure. The days seem to melt together when you’re doing everything and nothing all at once. This week started off pretty well, but yesterday was hard. Aside from the pandemic (and a zit on my lip that looks like a bad Botox job), there was no particular reason for it to be hard, it just was. From what I hear, a lot of you are experiencing the same thing. Some days are good and you don’t think much about what’s going on, while others seem unbearable when all you can think about is what’s going on.  

            I try to wear my positive hat as much as I can, but there are days when I want to throw it on the ground and stomp on it. Then I take a deep breath, come to my senses and look for goodness. There’s so much of it around us every day — even now. 

            Earlier this week I was on a Zoom call, and someone said that they hear the birds a lot more now. I do, too. I watch them flutter by me without a care in the world, and I try to steal some of that freedom for myself. We’ll all have our freedom back at some point, but when we do, I hope that we still pay attention to the birds. That would be a nice memento to take into the future.  

            So if this is indeed Friday, it’s time for Weekly Winks. Every Friday I share the Winks of Goodness I experienced throughout the week because I’ve found that writing down and formally acknowledging these suckers gives them more power. I encourage you to share your own Weekly Winks on my site or on social media. Look around and write it down — share the goodness.   

Saturday — We visited my father. (Before you freak out, we followed the rules.) We sat in the driveway the appropriate distance apart and enjoyed Easter dinner from What-A-Burger #13 — the best What-Burger there is! Later, The Tots were playing in the yard and suddenly called me to come see something. They had put dogwoods and a huge purple clematis in mom’s iron butterfly. It was the perfect Wink of Goodness, and I know my mom loved it. It made my Easter. 

Sunday— Easter Sunday was hard. It was our first Easter without mom, and it rained – a lot. After the skies finally cleared, I went outside and sat on our front stoop. I started hearing this loud chirping, and when I looked up, I saw a beautiful red cardinal sitting atop our maypole. It was a magic moment, and I so needed it. 

Monday — Y’all know I love a good breeze (see The Breeze— August 14, 2019 entry), and Monday the breeze was pretty strong, so I went for a run. As I ran down the street, I felt like the breeze was giving me a good (and badly needed) baptism. It helped clear the sadness from Easter without mom. 

Tuesday— During my workout, I listened to songs by Guns N’ Roses (Welcome to the Jungle) and Debbie Gibson (Only in My Dreams), both have places in my eclectic heart. 

Wednesday— One of my very best friends celebrated her 20^th wedding anniversary today. She and her husband live within walking distance of the park where they got married, so they renewed their wedding vows there with their four children and sweet dog. It’s just the coolest thing! So happy for them!

Thursday — Today was really hard for my son and I, so the Wink is that we got through it. 

Friday— I scored some alone time in my home office (a rarity these days because of distance learning). It felt like a vacation!

Remember that we are all in this together. Peace, love and wellness to all of you. There is so much goodness out there. Please take the time to notice. 

            This morning while doing a workout on my front sidewalk, which has suddenly become normal in our brave new world, I heard a neighbor’s kid practicing the trumpet. Then I saw a family ride by on bicycles and another neighbor walk her dog. For a moment, I felt like I was in Whoville.

            Remember in How the Grinch Stole Christmas when everyone in Whoville wakes up on Christmas morning, realizes all their holiday loot is gone and celebrates anyway? This is what’s happening in our hood, and I must say that I’m pretty proud. Yes, we’re all stressed, stir crazy and scared as we quarantine (what week are we on?), but that’s not stopping us from enjoying a bright and sunny spring day. Take that, coronavirus!

            During the past few weeks, I’ve realized the power of sunny days so I squeeze all the goodness out of them for days that aren’t so sunny either due to rain — or the news. That’s a trick I plan to take with me into the new normal, whenever that begins. 

            I’ve been thinking a lot about the lessons and realizations that have surfaced during my coronacation (not my term, but I’m using it), so I’m starting to make a list. The first part of my list involves things I miss: my friends, being able to eat at a restaurant, the Y, church and the library. The second part includes things I don’t miss: being strapped for time, traffic and not getting to enjoy the outdoors as much as I’d like. The third part is about changes. How am I going to incorporate changes based on the first two parts of my list into my post-coronavirus life? I realize what a luxury it is to have time to think about this, and I’m thankful for it.  

            For years after 9/11, I interviewed folks about all sorts of things. More than once I heard people say that what happened on that day inspired them to make huge life changes. One family moved from Manhattan to a farm in Pennsylvania. One woman left her high-powered corporate job to work for a nonprofit, while another woman hung up her marketing hat to go after her life-long dream of being a chef. 

            Events like 9/11 and now the coronavirus serve as unexpected magnifying glasses. They ignite a response that forces us to examine our priorities, our values and even our dreams. One minute you’re living your life; the next minute you’re conducting a life audit that wasn’t on your schedule. 

            Last night, John and I sat on our new front patio. (We bought some pebbles, sat two chairs and a table on them that we already had and created what is now considered our date night space.) We try to get out there every night to chat about whatever we need or want to chat about. (Note that we never would have had time to create, let alone enjoy this space prior to COVID-19.) 

            As we talked under the stars, I asked him what he thought would change when all of this is said and done. Sure, there are people who have had to make drastic changes because they’ve lost loved ones or their job and/or business, but for those of us who are luckily coasting day by day through this pandemic hoping we’ll be okay, how will we change our lives? 

            For so long our society has heralded the art of being (or at least appearing to be) busy. Now that most of us (teachers, healthcare workers, truckers and grocery store clerks excluded), aren’t so crazy busy, look at what’s happened. We’re having real conversations with family members, we’re taking long walks and noticing flowers, we’re calling old friends, and instead of taking a restaurant meal for granted, we’re grateful that our favorite eateries figured out a way to serve us. Those are all good things that we should take with us into the future, pandemic or not.  

            I haven’t fleshed my plan out yet, but I know that more free time will part of my new normal, as well as my children’s. And I also know that they’ll be more starry nights on our patio.      

            Yesterday, I told John that I feel like a dog on vacation at the beach. It’s as if the world has a retractable leash on me that will allow me to see the fun things but not interact with them. Sorry folks, that’s all I’ve got for this week because it’s been a rough one.

            That said, here this week’s Weekly Winks. I know there is much for which to be grateful, so that’s what I’m going to focus on this Easter weekend, and I encourage you to do the same. We’re going to get through this. It’s just going to take some time. 

            Please share your Winks on my site or on my social media pages. We can’t hear about goodness enough during these challenging times. Enjoy your weekend, breathe in the sunshine, call a friend and stay well. 

Saturday — The Tots’ Sunday school teacher sent them some activities to do, and she wrote that she missed them. 

Sunday— I pressure washed our back stoop. It’s ridiculous how much pleasure I get out of this activity. 

Monday — The azaleas are blooming at my parents’ house, and they are always a sight to see. So many times we’ve taken Easter pictures with these hot pink blossoms serving as the background. Mom loved our azaleas, so dad picked some and placed them on her memorial. I think that’s the sweetest thing even though it breaks my heart to pieces. Happy Easter, mom!

Tuesday— I got a kick out of listening to The Tots sing with their Spanish lesson. I can’t say enough good things about how well their teachers are handling this crisis. Thank you! 

Wednesday— We found five rolls of paper towels behind a pile of laundry. This is our new reality, folks. 

Thursday — I had a great morning run. Thank goodness we’re still allowed to run!

Friday— My husband worked out with me in the yard today because I’m so tired of doing workouts alone. I miss my tribe at the Y so much I could cry (and have). 

Remember that we are all in this together. Peace, love and wellness to all of you. 

Happy Easter!

            When I wake up in the morning, I’m not sure which Lori I’m going to get. One day, I might get taskmaster Lori. She’s the one who likes to work in the yard, make crafts and pressure wash any flat surface. Other days, I’m met with the Lori who doesn’t want to get out of bed. She’s the one who becomes frozen after reading too many tragic headlines and just needs to sit the day out. 

            Since all of this madness started, there have been thousands of posts on what to do with your “free time.” I appreciate the creativity, but folks need to realize that sometimes we don’t need to do anything but be. I certainly think a pandemic is such an occasion. 

            One of the ways I deal with the stress of this situation and try to “just be” is by reading. Every day, my goal is to make it to our patio by 4 or 5 p.m. with a book in my hand. I need to escape through someone else’s story to keep my story going.

Currently, I’m reading The Astronaut Wives Club by Lily Koppel. I bought it at Walls of Books (my favorite used bookstore) late last summer after John and I watched Chasing the Moon, an excellent documentary about the space race — much better than Tiger King. 

            If anyone knows how to deal with high stress, it’s these ladies. When tragedy struck this close-knit community, the newly made widows handled things the best way they knew how. Some traveled, some moved away and some couldn’t get out of bed. They all dealt with their grief differently; just as we’re all dealing with this pandemic differently. 

            Maybe you’re like my husband. He’s never met a home project he didn’t like. He wakes up early to fix and maintain things I didn’t know we had. And he’ll tell you that the reason he’s so project oriented right now is because that’s the one thing he can control. I respect, appreciate and certainly benefit from that, and some days I’m on the same page as he is. Other days I’m on a completely different bookshelf. 

            When our lockdown began, I felt guilty that I wasn’t doing all of the suggestions that came through my newsfeed. Now would be a great time to paint our bathroom, learn ukulele and/or finally write a book. Then I decided to give myself a little grace — a lot actually. Maybe I will tackle some of those things. Who knows? None of us planned a spring like this, and as far as I can tell, there’s not a playbook for a pandemic. Emily Post surely never covered it. 

            Spring is supposed to be a time filled with festivals, concerts, sporting events, impromptu gatherings outside and allergy conversations. Instead, we’re all hanging out at home, making strategic runs to the grocery store and feeling accomplished when we complete a series on Netflix. It is what it is, and we have to make the best of it in our own way. 

            When we get through this are we going to compare what all we got done while we were quarantined? Is our quarantine success going to be graded by how many books we read, how well our yards look and how many cupboards we cleaned? Are we really going to revert to one-upping each other like a lot of us did before COVID-19?

            I hope not.

I hope that socially distancing will also distance us from judgment. I hope that when the gates open we’ll just be glad to see each other. I hope we’ll tell one another how happy we are that we all made it. I hope we’ll remember what really matters when we’re lucky enough to be together again. That’s the light I see at the end of this ambiguous tunnel. 

            In the meantime, if projects help you deal with this, go rearrange the heck out of your closet. Learn Portuguese if you want! But if that’s not you, that is so okay. Do what will get you through the storm because when this is over, I won’t care how many drawers you organized. I’ll just care that you’re here. Just being will be plenty enough. 

I’d like to dedicate this week’s Weekly Winks to Bill Withers, one of my favorite singer/songwriters of all time. He passed away on Monday, and I just discovered that his birthday is the same as my mom’s, July 4 (perfect Wink of Goodness).

On so many mornings, I’ve sat at my desk playing his song Lovely Day on repeat just to keep me going. I’m listening to it right now as I write this. The world is not all right with me right now, but I have to believe that it’s going to be a lovely day. 

            That said, here are this week’s Weekly Winks. Yes, it’s been a rough week, but today the sun is shining, bright red cardinals are frolicking in my back yard and the azaleas are in full bloom, so things aren’t all bad. 

            Please share your Winks on my site or on my social media pages. We can’t hear about goodness enough during these challenging times. Enjoy your weekend, breathe in the sunshine, call a friend and stay well. 

Saturday — John and I introduced The Tots to their first Jimmy Buffett concert. Buffett is streaming old concerts for free on what he’s calling his Cabin Fever Tour. It was nice to pretend we were at a concert surrounded by other people for a while. And, of course, he played Holiday, one of my all-time favorite Buffett songs. 

Sunday— My dad’s neighbor brought him two homemade blueberry muffins. Dad has the best neighbors. So grateful!

Monday — Listening to John Prine helped me get a much-needed cry out. Last I heard he was doing better in regard to his COVID-19 infection. Here’s to a full recovery!

Tuesday— We watched Wayne’s World with The Tots. I think Graydon has found his tribe. 

Wednesday— My awesome friend, Melissa, sent me a picture of a beautiful blooming tree at my parents’ house at Lake Tillery. What I would give to be down there at one of my parents’ fun parties right now. 

Thursday — I ran in the sun, and I didn’t fall. I’ll take that as a win!

Friday— After playing the math games The Tots’ teachers assigned to them, I finally understand improper fractions. Thanks, Mrs. Greene and Mrs. Pegram! 

Remember that we are all in this together. Peace, love and wellness to all of you. 

Last week our pastor encouraged us to focus on four things: people, purpose, sadness and gladness. All four things are important, especially in a time of crisis, but the sadness and gladness part really resonated with me (and I also liked that it rhymed). 

            This week, sadness has been winning at our house. I tried to fight it, but when I fell on the sidewalk during my Monday morning run, I surrendered. In an effort to improve myself during our quarantine, I decided to extend my running route. About 20 yards into my new route, I fell nose first on the concrete. As I sat there surveying my scrapes, I wanted to cry so badly but I couldn’t, so I dusted myself off and ran home. 

            A little later, I saw that John Prine had been diagnosed with COVID-19, so I pulled up a performance for Hello in There, one of the most beautiful songs ever written. As Prine sang of old trees growing stronger, rivers growing wilder and old people growing lonesome, I lost it. The tears wouldn’t stop as I grieved my mother, my dad being alone, my kids missing school and so much more. 

            I suppose I can look at this as my official kickoff to sadness week, and that’s okay because I’m giving myself permission to let that happen. My kids miss going to school and seeing their friends. I miss working out with my friends, going to church and my dad coming over for dinner. My husband misses his normal work/home separation, big band rehearsals and being able to visit with his parents down the street. And we all miss the ability to eat a pizza in a restaurant — with other people sitting less than six feet away from us. 

            It’s easy to feel guilty while grieving these things when so many people are dealing with so much worse. When we first began making lifestyle changes due to the coronavirus, I’d glance at my sadness but quickly turn my mind to people in Italy or New York. How can I be sad when I’ve been ordered to hang out in my nice house, where my kids can learn and I can work? How can I be sad when I have books, food and Netflix (love Dolly Parton’s Heartstrings!)? How can I be sad when the birds still sing and the azaleas still bloom? 

            The answer is simple. Loss is loss. We’re all dealing with individual losses, as well as collective ones. Sure, there are different levels, but they’re all losses that result in an uneasy feeling that’s challenging to soothe. So this week, I’m embracing my losses and my sadness so that I can move ahead with helping others and recognizing my gladness. 

            Whether through silence, music, prayer, walking or reading, I’m giving myself time to heal so I can be strong for my family and whoever else might need me. It’s only Wednesday, and I’m feeling better. Maybe by Friday I’ll be ready to move on to gladness because there is so much to be glad about once you clear a pathway for it.